Everyone Gets a Stick and Unlimited Whacks at This One

Could the priorities be just a little bit skewed here?

The money quote from the mother of the first child enrolled in Seattle's first USDA certified organic (buckle up for this one) DAY CARE goes like this:

"When they said the doors are open, we didn't think twice about it honestly," she says. "The first day I dropped him off I had such piece of mind honestly."

You've got the misused "piece" instead of "peace," which I have to believe is the newsrag's fault, indicating that the writer was also too swept up in the awesome power of the organicness to partake of a little care in her reporting. You've got the redundant use of the word "honestly," which hints at a lack of anything of the sort. When people say things like "honestly" over and over, they aren't trying to reassure the listener of anything, they are trying to convince themselves. But the obvious problem is this: 'The sign said "organic," I immediately enrolled my kid.'

What does my kidnapped words list say about organic?

3. Organic
Real Definition: Contains carbon.

Agenda Monkey Definition: 1. The word on the side of my canvas grocery bag that helped me get invited to wine tastings by the elitist metrosexual sock puppet I met on the bus. 2. Well, it costs more, so it's better, right? 3. Of or relating to items whose importance magnifies exponentially with the number of people listening to you talk about it. 4. Of or relating to common food items that you wouldn't otherwise think to bring up in conversation, but has suddenly become important to share with everyone in earshot.

Recommended Daily Utterances: 12

I should add another part to the definition: A word with magical properties, the utterance of which is able to make vanish a person's usual interest in things like value assessments and questions of quality or utility. A word whose usage usurps anything that had previously held the top spot on a person's list of priorities.

Usage: Guilt assuager, responsibility eradicator, argument ender, and universal method for rendering any kind of caution unnecessary.

It is a little bit sick to think that being organic is the only determining factor necessary for a set of parents to put their child into daycare. Sick, but not surprising. It is a social posturing movement, and people are fanatical about using their kids as shoehorns in these little competitions over who is the craftiest parent at the Crate and Barrel. Give your kid a funky name, perhaps something with an apostrophe right in the beginning or middle in order to make it seem more exotic, dress them in some ostentatious garb, and sit back and revel in the compliments - to you.