Kidnapped Words

Here's a short list of words stolen by by any of a number of agenda monkey entities and changed to mean what they need it to mean, in spite of the actual definition. The "real" definitions come from my lazy paraphrasing of dictionary.com and I think Websters online dictionary. Of course, the "real" definitions don't matter, so citing them properly doesn't either. The simple take is that they all just mean "better than you," but I'll try to give a little more:

1. Sustainable
Real Definition: Able to supply, support, nourish, prolong, etc.

Agenda Monkey Definition: The only farming that lets you grow more later without turning dirt to poison - nevermind the last several thousand years to the contrary.

RDU (Recommended Daily Utterance): 5 times

2. Formula
Real Definition: Food for babies.

Agenda Monkey Definition: 1. Poison given to babies by mothers who hate them. 2. A woman's absolute best opportunity on any given day to act huffy, indignant, and condescending, whether she has had a baby or not.

RDU: Zero. Never say this word out loud, it's abhorrent.

3. Organic
Real Definition: Contains carbon.

Agenda Monkey Definition: 1. The word on the side of my canvas grocery bag that helped me get invited to wine tastings by the elitist metrosexual sock puppet I met on the bus. 2. Well, it costs more, so it's better, right? 3. Of or relating to items whose importance magnifies exponentially with the number of people listening to you talk about it. 4. Of or relating to common food items that you wouldn't otherwise think to bring up in conversation, but has suddenly become important to share with everyone in earshot.

RDU: 12

4. Leadership
Real Definition: The capacity to lead.

Agenda Monkey Definition: 1. Doing whatever the rest of the world tells us we need to do. 2. The capacity to display benevolence through unconditional trust of every other leader everywhere, except your own.

RDU: No number set - limited only to the number of times you can pontificate on subjects you don't understand.

5. Diversity
Real Definition: Variety, multiformity, difference.

Agenda Monkey Definition: 1. Having personal, social or cultural qualities that lend themselves particularly well to inexhaustible complaint. 2. Black, gay. 3. Non straight, white, male, religious or generally happy. 4. Something worth "celebrating" wildly with parades and other events that specifically exclude anyone different.

RDU: Minimum 12. Pile it on, though, and let those people you can't tolerate know how important it is to be different.

6. Progressive
Real definition: Favoring or advocating progress, change, improvement, or reform, as opposed to wishing to maintain things as they are, esp. in political matters.

Agenda Monkey definition: 1. A process through which superior results are gained, because improvement is the only possible result of destroying something that is demonstrably, historically more effective and efficient than whatever new thing is being proposed. 2. Better, always.

RDU: Let it fly!!!

7. Indigenous
Real Definition: Originating in and characteristic of a particular region.

Agenda Monkey Definition: 1. Primitive, dark, naked people who can teach us valuable life lessons because they have not been swayed by the devils of research, science, and rational thought. 2. Did I mention they are dark? That part helps me assuage my white guilt.

RDU: 2. This one is reserved for moments of real gravity, so we would not like it overused.